Satisfaction

Even though things don't always go the way I want them to, I can at least comfort myself with knowing that what DOES end up happening does not surprise me.

While I have made decisions that I regret, I can also honestly say I have lived my life in such a way that I've never made myself wonder, "What if?"

I do not have a life burdened with the regret of inaction.

I am satisfied.

You know?

You know that person who, no matter how much they've pissed you off, or you've had misunderstandings, or have been grumped at by for no reason, or have grumped at for no reason, and manages to upset you more than the average person sometimes simply because you care about them the most, but still don't ever want to lose because they mean that much to you and the rest of your life as you can imagine it would completely suck without them, even though they don't seem to feel the same way?


Yeah. Me too.

For My Seester

I hate myself today.

I haven't been following my food log at all, which explains all my crazy eating as of late. Also, I've not been working out as consistantly (which I'd like to blame on external circumstances, which is true, but a lousy excuse).
I've now decided that the weight training will only happen every other day, as we've all noticed that my weight loss goals are best met through cardio. The loss of an hour daily last phase REALLY killed my goals, and I didn't realize it would have such a negative effect. Lesson learned. And I don't need to gain muscle, as it's something I have a sizeable supply of, so the weight lifting is not very beneficial aside toning, but the toning would be better served once the fat is gone. So lower weight, higher rep, every other day. Good. Yes, I'm strong. I don't need to show the entire gym that I can lift like a man. (Although it's fun to see women try to show up "the fat girl" by using my weight set after me. Muahahahahahahaha.)
I love that I used to love to run. I can't say that I love it still, but that's only because I'm still tentative. I remember what I was and it's hard to admit to myself that that's not what I am. I have learned, however, that I can run faster than 6 mph. I last checked myself at 6.5 mph, and I know I can run faster. The question really, though, is: for how long?
Right now, the answer is "A little more than a quarter of a track." But that's only because I let myself wuss out.
The good news is that my recovery time after the sprints is getting shorter, which is good, since my sprints are getting longer.
Anyone who has good deductive reasoning skills can watch me on the treadmill and figure out what I'm doing, but it must be interesting to watch me constantly changing speeds all the time. At least I'm never bored! Ha... oh... yeah.
One weird thing I've noticed: I run better on the treadmill while watching the Turner Classic Movies channel. Something about no/few commercials keeps me focused.

But my slackery has had quite the effect on me, and you can see it in my face. I hate/love that the first thing you see change with my weight is my face. (Which is why I've no picture up today.)
I really need to get my rear back in gear.

Doing something worthwhile (i.e. not hanging out with the single's branch)

My home ward put together gift baskets for auction.




It's the first service project I've heard of since April last year. I posted it all over my branch's facebook newsletter page. Nobody from the branch came.




But my home ward did a MOST AWESOME JOB. I got there late because of work, but the amount of baskets finished (not pictured) was incredible. The project was supposed to end at 8, but I left around 9 and there was still work being done. The amount of help and willingness to serve was beautiful and touching.

It was all done to benefit Michael Malarsie, a wounded soldier who lost his eyesight due to his injuries.

Oh... Quarrels.

I really have nothing much to say. I'm annoyed with a lot of things and individuals, but nothing that some good, old-fashioned avoidance can't pretend to resolve! I'm three weeks away from finishing my fitness program at Apollo, and then begins my internship. I come out of the program feeling DUMBER than when I entered. I feel like my IQ has significantly dropped since taking this course. I am glad that I never intended to make personal training a career, because with the education I've received, there's no way I'd be a success. Anything I have learned is just little bits that I can use to better myself and my own training habits, and offer help to friends or family that ask; there is no way I could build a business around my crappy education. I'm lamenting the 9 months of my life this took and the money I borrowed to waste so much of my time. You can say, "But you did learn a few things, right?" And the answer to that is Yes, however, it isn't anything that I couldn't have picked up in a book or off the Fitness Channel by watching Gilad. (He's awesome, btw.) I'm really disappointed in my school and I'm upset that they think that my crappy education was worth so much money.

I hate my branch. I go to my home ward most Sundays now. I only go to the branch when my calling requires it. I look around and see a bunch of self-serving, indulgent, gossiping, cold, exclusive individuals. Sure, there's a person here and there I'm fond of, but I wouldn't call any single person in the branch my friend. My roommates are a completely different thing, because I live with them, and cannot judge my relationship with them the same as the branch members. I have J, who is my on-again, off-again pal who pisses me off and then tries to make up for it.

This is going to sound really dumb, but yesterday I bought a Jupiter Jack for my car and wanted to try it out. I called my little sister to see if it worked, but I only got her voicemail. I still wanted to try it, but I went through all my 200+ contacts and could not find a single person that I felt like I really wanted to give a call to (at that time of night) to see if my new little toy worked. It'd be completely random and strange for most everyone, and would, more likely than not, have resulted in laughing at me over it. No thank you.

It's so awesome, being surrounded by people and feeling completely alone. It's worse at church. President C pulled me aside last Sunday to ask me why I don't come to the branch anymore. I told him straight out, "The branch SUCKS." I went into a 15-minute tirade on why it sucks, the contributing factors to its ongoing suckfest, and what the branch was doing when it DIDN'T suck. I also let him know that in August I'll be moving, and I'm taking my records with me. He said I'll be missed. Right.

I've now entered Phase 3 of my working out: running! Yaaaaaaay running! Of course, I'm nothing like I was, but I hope to be somewhat near it in a couple months. I run on the treadmill (because I'm at work when I do this) and I've got a method. On the tread, it will have a picture of a track, and it will light up what you've covered. So--- for a lap or two, I walk the tread at a 3.0 grade and 3 mph. After I've warmed up a bit, I then jog half the lap at 4mph, then walk the second half at 3. After doing that a couple times, I run a quarter of the lap at 5, walk a quarter at 3, jog a quarter at 4, walk a quarter at 3. I do that a few times, then I up the 5mph to 6. And I continue that pattern until the hour is over. WHOOHOOOOOOO! It keeps me from getting bored, I'll tell you that. Shoot. But it's really cool for me to see that I can RUN AT SIX MILES PER HOUR ....for a quarter of a track. BUT-- My intention is once I've done that for a week, that I'll increase the distance of the fast runs by one little light. Before long, I'll be running half the track at 6, then jogging 4, then walking 3. YAAAAAAY!
I think the running has been the best part of my week. Indeed.

Oh! Little Brother got his mission call. He's going to PERU!!! He leaves for the MTC on May 19th. It seems the new rule is that you drop your boy off at the airport, and they take it from there. No more GOING to the MTC with them. Bull honkey. I'm thinkin' I'll just road trip up to Utah ANYWAY and meet him there.