back in the game

Back in the day when I began stixing, I was working at Hastings. It's a store that sells books, movies, games, music, coffee, t-shirts, a random crap while it also rents out movies and video games. I spent a great deal of time at the register, which was fun. There was a point when I was moved to the book department, right after they stopped giving people raises to be in the department. Of course. Anyhow, that was during the remodel of the store so we were always there closing and cleaning 'til 2 or 3 just in case Corporate decided to come waltzing in the next day. After I let them know that staying so late and being harped on to clean a department I wasn't really trained well in *while it's still being remodeled* pretty much made me want to quit. So I went back to the register. And that was fun. I eventually interviewed for Video Department manager, but ended up becoming #2, and was successfully crapped on often.
But my stix were great!
I quit. And started working at a call center, and my stix kinda died. For a number of reasons, but I'll blame it on the lack of humor in a call center dealing with retards on the phone every day who can't understand that if you drop your phone in water it isn't the manufacturer's fault and therefore is not covered under the warranty. No, I don't think it matters that you've had the phone for only 3 days. You broke it withing 3 days. Your problem, kiddo.
I got fired. And it's a good thing, really. Because by the time I was fired, I was seriously debating every time I went in as to whether I ought to gauge my eyes out or gnaw at my wrists. I couldn't ever decide, because I needed to do something that would get me sent home, but also be extreme enough that I would be granted leave of absence, and not just that, but I needed to hurt myself in such a way that it couldn't be argued that I'd actually had a mental break down. And I needed my eyes so I could drive home, but I also didn't really think I could break skin and draw enough blood because my front teeth aren't all razor-y like some people's are.
Now I'm working for Hollywood Video. And it's exactly like Hastings. Sans books, music, cafe, t-shirts, random crap, and massive push for DVD sales. So, it's just like the rental part of the Video Department. It's easy because I've already done this, it's hard because I'm Hastings-trained. (Really, Hastings has a better business plan than Hollywood, and it's organized a lot better, and its methods are clearer... it's a better run organization, but whatever. I don't miss it.)
And I'm stepping back into the retail world. I didn't realize how much I enjoyed/hated stupid people. Seriously. I got a few new stix-able situations and I'm pretty dang excited about it:
Teenage Girl: (looking at a candy display) You know, they really should put peanuts in Milky Ways, that would taste so good and everyone would buy them!
Teenage Boy: (looking at the girl like she's a moron) ...They do. They're called Snickers.
Girl: (eyes wide) ....Ohhhhh.

Seriously? Seriously. I couldn't believe it.

Woman: (grumping up to the counter) Do you have any XBox games?
Me: Yeah.
W: I only saw 4.
M: No, there's a whole ROW of them. I promise, right by the Wii games.
W: No, those are XBox 360 games. I want games for the original.
M: Oh! Sorry. Yeah, those we're out of. We sold 'em all because we really just rent out 360 games now.
W: So (huff) what are people like ME supposed to do, who can't afford to go out any buy the latest stuff, just because that's all YOU carry?
M: Sell a liver, I guess, because we've moved on.

I've forgotten that everything is my fault again. Ah yes, for $7.25 an hour, everything is my fault.

Up Until Now

I've been pretty busy since my last post. To make a long story short, I got in a fight with my mom in October and I moved out/was kicked out (we're not really sure which) and moved in with Jamie, Brett, Justin, and Andriana. That's been fine so far.
I got a job at Hollywood Video (just like Hastings, but smaller!) and also give chair massages weekly at a business complex.
School's going fine. I got my massage table. It's kinda difficult to carry around, but hey, it's a TABLE. Duh.
In January I'm moving in with my churchy girls and I'm excited for that. I didn't want to leave Jamie, but she got a job in Los Lunas, so she'll be moving in January, too.
Everything's working out alright, I feel.
Jesus loves me.

I freaking LOVE these things

there's no time to explain, but we're out of cough syrup and the cops are on their way

i've had it up to HERE

my mom is being frickin ridiculous.

backstory: my mom and i made a deal where i would do yardwork and projects to earn money for my car payment. yay. two days ago she put 125 in my account. i'm close to being able to make my payment.

yesterday i gave her a massage, then we go out in the yard to work in the garden. she's a mumbler and it's REALLY REALLY hard to understand her sometimes, so i ask her to repeat what she's saying and she gets mad because she hates repeating herself. or she'll walk away while she's saying something, and you're like "wtf were you saying? i only caught half of that, plus you were mumbling."
so we're in the garden and she gives me some sort of mumbled instruction, and i can't understand her, so i repeat what i thought i heard her say, then she goes off on me about how i need to change my attitude.
what?
yeah, exactly. WHAT attitude? i had NO idea what she was talking about.
so i'm bringing her the power cord and the screws we were working with and i ask her what she was talking about and she goes off on me about all the "[sigh] [tsk] [grunt] [sigh]" during the massage!" (i honestly have no recollection of that at all) and then she goes off on how it was the worst massage she's ever had and how she tried not to move at all because she didn't want to piss me off more, "AND IT WAS MY MASSAGE!"
worst massage ever? really.
"Mom, do you want my help or not?"
"I WANT YOUR WILLING HELP!"
"Then you're going to have to stop snapping at me, or I can't help you. I didn't have an attitude problem, I don't know what you're talking about."
And she goes off again about how I need to shape up fast because my attitude isn't appreciate.
wtf? i REALLY had NO CLUE what she was talking about (sighs during a massage? really, is that what set this whole thing off?). so i tell her again that if she wants my help, she has to stop yelling at me because i won't stick around to be yelled at.
so she goes off again.
so i drop the screws and the power cord, say "here you go" and walk off.
"LETHA! WE MADE AN AGREEMENT!"
"yeah, we did, but i earned the money i needed to earn to make my payment and i WILL NOT help you if you keep acting like this."
She glares at me a moment, "...I'll take the money out of your account."
"No, you won't," and she stops for a second, "you can't. Your name isn't on my account. You can't touch my money."
And I walked off. She yells something else, and I holler back, "BYE! HAVE FUN!"
And she screams at me to never ask for her help ever again.
...oooookay.

Sighing during a massage?! REALLY?! Sighing?! Now, it couldn't just be that I was prepping into slow steady breathing, or the fact that I was working around A FREAKING QUEEN SIZED BED, or that the room was effing hot because she turned the furnace on a month early... no, it's because i have an attitude problem.
so i left. i went on a bike ride, haven't spoken to her since. and now she's taking it out on my little sister.
so i'm done. every time she pulls an overreactive stunt like this, the offendED party ends up apologizing just to keep the peace. well i'm effing done with it.
i did NOTHING to warrant that behavior, i did NOTHING to deserve her little outburst. the woman doesn't even notice that this sort of behavior is wrong. that's the first time i ever stuck up for myself, and i'm not about to back down because i did NOTHING WRONG. i've been apologizing JUST to keep the peace for YEAAAAAAARS.
so i packed my stuff and i'm staying at my best friends house until further notice.


freaking. she's ALWAYS doing crap like this. i'm tired of it.

I love icons. Seriously.

The Show Must Go On

I'm fat.

I also crave attention, apparently.

I'm one of two people in the pilot episode of Ask Rocco: Bootcamp.

Rocco's Website

So for the next six weeks, Rocco is going to be kicking my butt Monday-Friday in an attempt to make my big booty the size it's supposed to be.
Yesterday I basically had it handed to me on a massive silver platter. I was pathetic. Worse than pathetic. I was a sad, sorry, useless, sweaty, whimpering lump of gelatin by the end of our workout yesterday. It was really bad.
I had no idea I was THAT unhealthy.
I mean, I knew I was unhealthy, just not THAT much.
So I tried harder today. And it went better. Not much better, but I recovered faster.

It was the most amazing thing; I woke up REALLY sore yesterday morning from the fit test earlier in the week, so I wasn't really looking forward to the workout, but THIS morning, my soreness wasn't nearly as bad as it was yesterday. The workout worked the soreness out. It was amazing. THIS is what it felt like when I was a gym junkie. THIS is the feeling I was addicted to. THIS is what I strove for every day.

I love THIS.

Things are going good.

My sprints still suck. Breathing is still really hard. My upper body strength is laughable. But! I was able to do situps, which really threw Rocco, because "you have so much fat on your stomach, I had no idea you could actually do them."
Yeah, that's right. I LOVE situps. I love crunches. I love them. There was a period a couple months ago where I was doing 500 crunches a night. Yeah, that's right.
So there.

I love, love, love the weak-jello feeling. It's good to be back.

i met my personal trainer

and he is awesome. they say he's over the top, but i don't think so. he's blunt. he's straight-forward. no sugar coating. it's refreshing.

he actually looked me in the eye and said, "you're fat."
that's what i've been telling myself all along. it's nice to hear someone else say it for once.

especially someone who's going to help me along in making fitness and exercise a new habit of mine.


and he's a great listener (when he doesn't realize he's being recorded ^_^). we were able to backtrack and see what triggered everything, identify what my REAL problem is... and we're going to work it out.


but for now, i get to wear a 20 lb vest everywhere i go, every hour of the day. since i have gained roughly 20 lbs a year for so many years, i get to wear this so i know what i'll be in a year from now if i don't change.


"at 245 pounds when you're only 22, you're going to die before you're 40."

that's a scary thought.

this is going to be hard. i'm going to not want to wake up in the morning because i know that when i do, he will be there. i will not enjoy life.


this will be fun. let's get rolling.

Woohoo

So I got 118% on my Anatomy final. That's good. I'm happy with that. Bummer I missed some, though.

Last night we started our Wellness mod. So we're going over stuff like body mechanics and posture. Very... tai chi. Yeah. But we also discussed for a while the idea of Energy, where we pull out the bad energy and replace it with good energy. It sounded really hokey, but I tried it with my mom today. I visualized gold energy flowing into her from my hands and then I swept dark energy off of her. It was pretty cool.

I also give the best massages with my eyes closed, so that probably helped. Yeah.

The End.

Pikchas!

Letha, you're so absolutely gorgeous on Sundays.
Why thank you.
How do you manage to pull it off?
Hot rollers and face paint. Behold:

American Geisha:


Taking out the hot rollers


Shake out the curls, admire Hair Band look:


Pin it back


Admire from every angle:



the hair looks a bit like a wig in pictures...





enjoy the squinty eye



The Women Folk