Just in Case You Were Wondering

All is well.

I got paperwork to fill out and then mi madre and I will be going back to school to get me enrolled in Fitness Training. You know what? It sounds way lame when I say I'm going into the Fitness Training class to become a Personal Trainer. That's too many trains on that sentence-plane. (Snakes too, for that matter. ...What?) Anyhow, the class was ORIGINALLY called Fitness Tech, and I was too cool for that, so I'd shortened it to FitTech, which I will again do here because this is my little corner of the world, and I can do what I want. So there.
The head of the Fit department told me my first class would be June 26, but my admissions rep said July-ish or August. I guess my meeting on Thursday will clear that up. I'm pretty dang excited to start. I'm kinda bored with the whole fat thing now. It all started when I was working at that blasted call center and then bad situations happened and all the stress and drama and emo crap happened and there's my excuse, whatever. I'm over it. I'm pretty thrilled for this class. Even if I don't actually become a licensed personal trainer, taking a class on fitness is too much effort to let that sort of education go to waste. That'd be like studying music for years to never look at music again. What a dumb thing to get into debt for.
Things with Edward Cullen are pretty great. We hit one month last week and played lazer tag with his brother and my sister. Good fun. And I'm the master. Hardcore.
Leetle Seester and I went to Elephant Butte with all the other LDS YSAs for our 8-stake activity. We didn't really hang out with too many people, mostly because I'm pretty antisocial and she doesn't know anyone in the branch too well. There was a really neat fireside on church history, mostly on the Mormon Battalion and the trek west. President Payne told us the route pioneers took through New Mexico and it turns out that the major Stake Centers are built YARDS away from the trail the early saints took.
I really felt this surge of emotion; in my mind's eye I saw families with their handcarts and wagons, tired and hungry. And through the dust of the trails they took, I could imagine in misty light the churches built up alongside them. I can't really describe it in a way to portray the emotion I feel, just know that I was really moved by that part of the fireside.
Saturday came, blah blah blah... Everyone was playing in the water at the Butte and riding in boats and playing with inner tubes and whatnot. Leetle Seester and I ditched and ended up going swimming at my apartment and just having a nice chill day. I really enjoy spending time with her. She's great. I'm gonna miss her when she goes to State in the fall. :'(
So last week wasn't particularly bad at all, nothing horrendous happened, but it just felt sucktastic since Tuesday and I just could not figure it out. It felt like this band of negativity was wrapped around my chest, pulling me in on myself and no matter how great things really were - I knew they were - it was dark and negative and angry. It felt like this force was pushing me into some deep chasm of hostility, which I took out on pretty much everyone and I could not understand what it was coming from. I suddenly felt I wasn't able to handle things anymore. I was lethargic and unwilling to do things. I was lazy, I didn't want to move or eat right or do anything except grump around. And no, before you jump on your hormonal assumption horse and ride off on that idea, it wasn't that. I was confused, because this sort of unwarranted ANGER is not characteristic of me. I took it out on Edward Cullen especially and the poor guy really did nothing to deserve it and I'm very sorry it happened. It really felt like I had no control over my emotions or reactions at all.
I began to seriously worry that maybe I was become unbalanced and that perhaps the chemical in my brain were so off that I was feeling the small tremors that would eventually play out to be manic depression or bi-polar disorder - especially because I COULD NOT control my anger. I was getting kinda worried. It came to a head Saturday night and nothing could make me feel better.
On Sunday, I was pulled into a room at church by a high council member and informed that both my mother and I had been released from our Seminary callings. They appreciated my willingness to jump in at the end of the year and go with it, but they released my mom, and then thought it best I was released as well. I was told that this decision had been made on Tuesday.
Isn't that interesting?
I know in my setting apart I'd been blessed with quite a few things, and some of those things included calmness and the ability to manage time and whatnot. After I was set apart, I could handle anything. Anything. The world was awesome, everything was going SO WELL. Now that I'm released, it's not like Heavenly Father doesn't want me to still have those blessings, He does, it's just I don't have them in the capacity I once did. As far as the High Council and Heavenly Father were concerned, my calling ended on Tuesday night and my blessings were... diffused, I guess you could say. I felt it.
Isn't that interesting?
I felt it leave me. The week SUCKED and I couldn't figure out why. When I found out I was released, everything made sense. Ah.
Isn't that interesting?